我相信

很久没有在部落格里写文章了。。在很忙的时候，我决定抽出一点时间，回想起这几个月来所发生的事。只能说，所有我想不到的事都发生了。。

曾经，我对你是给予100%的信任。我从来不曾怀疑过你，我以为即使在这世上，我很难再给予100%的信任，但我相信我是可以信任你的。。我知道很多事情，很多伤害，都是无意的。但是，伤害对我而言，是重了一点。曾经，和最亲爱的朋友们在这里一起成长。我已经把这里看成是我的第二个家。但是，我现在已经回不到那个过去。。我的心，是很痛的。。

我一直很努力的在从痛里走出来。让我很感动的，是我哥哥对我的保护。我告诉他，我需要时间学习再次信任。目前，我真的做不到。我唯一相信的，是上帝对我的爱。这一次的伤害那么重，因为它跟我以前的伤痛是有关联的。所以，对不起，我真的不能接受。

现在，我一直在寻找属于自己的另一个第二个家。一切从新开始。坦白说，我是不喜欢这个感觉。

我在学校和生命线，找到另一片天空。我在他们身上，看到的是更多的真诚。班上的同学，不到三十个，却来自多个国家，种族和宗教。虽然我们的背景是不一样的，但我感受到的，是朋友们的爱，包容和鼓励。我星期二的小组，已经在我心中占了很重要的位置。生命线，让我看到了人对生命的热诚。帮助人的背后，没有任何其他目的，只有爱。

我现在很挣扎。我该不该放手。对于背叛，我是不想再面对它了。我生命里，可以不再有任何背叛吗?

我很感谢上帝在这个时候，一直在照顾着我。他派了很多人来到我身边，给我及时的安慰和爱。人生，每一个阶段，都是学习的机会。我会比以前更坚强的，我相信。。。

The living God

I like signs and miracles that happened when people prayed in Jesus'name. It's the best way to let people experience the living God...

In mid-May 2010, when my tooth was so pain that i could not bear it anymore, i decided to go see a dentist. The dentist said got gum inflammation, need to perform root canal treatment. It cost RM 400 per tooth for the treatment. Ok la, im working, so still can afford. But when the x-ray was out, it wasnt that simple. The tooth was dead, in order to protect itself, the canal actually closed up. The dentist could not do anything. He called for a specialist. The specialist looked at the x-ray and said there's a big infection in the gum above the dead tooth, and the other two teeth beside it were also infected. If I decided just to cabut, then everything is very easy, but it's the front teeth and i dont like the idea of having gigi palsu u see...
So i prayed.. i was reading Kathryn Kuhlman's book during the period, very timely indeed. An early bday pressie from my sis. I read about all the miracles and signs that happened that time in the 70s..I told God, i believe in you and i really wanna see the miracles happen again in this time. I prayed for a miracle for my dead tooth..
The specialist said if no cabut then surgery. It'll cost around RM1,500 to 2,000..wow, unless i dont eat dont spend for one month, else cant go for surgery. I said a prayer again. God, i believe for a miracle for my tooth. I dont want surgery. You are my healer. Jesus is the same, the past, present and future. If Jesus performed miracles 2,000 years ago, he can perform it today and in the future. I continued meditating on His words. My cell members joined faith with me...
The awesome thing about Jesus and Papa God is that when we pray, He listen to our prayer, answer us and DELIVER us out of the problem. In June, the specialist looked at the tooth and said there's sign of self healing in the infection there. I felt it too! The gum didnt swell anymore. I remembered previously when the dentist had to release the swelling in the gum and blood was flowing down my throat. It was not nice experience at all... Looking at the condition of the tooth, he said he may perform a small surgery and clean the infection. And the awesome part was it is free of charge! AWESOME. So far, I only get free stuff from my cell members after i came to KL since 2005.

Today, as i went there, i get another great surprise! The dentist checked the tooth. He said something that i dont know how to explain. But it is good sign. More self healing happening and he dont need to perform surgery at the moment. He did the treatment for the other two teeth. After my usual treatment, he said if everything goes well, no complication, then the tooth will be healed. I'll jus need to go for yearly check-up to make sure everything is fine.
Jesus the healer, the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

God, thank you for holding me tightly every time i was about to let loose the grip. Thank you for reminding me of ur goodness and mercy when i was blinded by circumstances in the world. Thank you for always loving me no matter what...

Give, and it will be given to you; The Perfect Provider

Luke 6:38 "Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be out into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you."
I like this verse so much. Every time i sow into something, i tell myself, woohoo, multiplication is happening! 30 fold, 60 fold, 100 fold! Of course, everytime i sure say 100 fold haha. If already wanna exercise faith, why not go all out for it?
But I never realize the verse before it, which actually has A connection to receiving the promise of this verse...

Luke 6:37 "Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."
Honestly, I don't really like this verse. I don't want to have judgement on myself. And I believe, in the new covenant, there's no more judgement. Cause, Jesus already being judged on my behalf! However, everytime when i fell into the sin of judging and condemning others, I felt very bad. And i fear the judgement will fall on me...

However, recently, I have a new understanding on these two verses.. When God says don't do this or that, He is not limiting our freedom. Do I really believe that what God tells me is for my own good? When He says don't judge, it simply means stop judging and stop condemning, instead, start forgiving..Then, when i give, I will start receiving the blessings of the Lord on me! So, what happens when i judge others? I'll just stop judging and start to repent (change my mind or the way i think on the issue) and to receive my blessings! Why God says don't judge? Cause the negative feelings cannot operate with the blessings, with the faith.. Im cutting myself off from the blessings, i could not connect to the blessings if I was angry and bitter in my heart. Faith simply cant go through! What happens if I don't feel like forgiving? Then I choose to forgive, I forgive by faith, using my will. When i will, so shall my emotion follows the will!

Recently, a question came to me..Do i really believe that God is my Perfect Provider? Cause my actions and feelings did not tell me so... Sometimes, I wished i had something other people have, to a point that it already led to jealousy or even worse.. It caused me to have dislike feelings toward the persons, or even toward myself! I thank God that He revealed to me what was causing all these things, and asked me the question.
I came to realize that my job is not my provider, my money is not my security, how much i can save a month is not how i can exercise faith on what i want to have. God is my perfect provider. He is the one that can meet all my needs. He blesses others just like how He blesses me, and the blessings are always the best! When I believe He is my Perfect Provider, Im free...Free from everything indeed!

Like what Ps Kenneth Copeland always says, Have faith in God!
What to do with the debts?- Have faith in God!

What to do with illnesses?- Have faith in God!

What to do with all the problems at work? - Have faith in God!

What to do when i don't know what else to do? - Have faith in God!

All we need to do is to Have faith in God!

So, Have faith in God! God bless us! Im exercising faith on several things this year, so, anyone wanna join faith with me and together we Have faith in God! ^^

Mummy, I love you!

Last week, as i came back from work, I saw something that touched my heart so much...Especially after all the work that left me with tiredness...A mother and a daughter were heading towards a motorcycle, whereby the father was waiting for them. Then, the little girl was singing, mummy i love u, i love u. mummy i love you~~ Then i looked at the mum, u can't imagine how happy the mother was. She kept on smiling while helping the little girl to get on the motorbike. At that moment, I felt that life is very beautiful. Love is so beautiful. A mother can sacrifice all things for her children, without expecting a return. And a simple expression of love can make the mother so happy! I think God must be feeling the same way. That's why He's willing to sacrifice His precious son Jesus to redeemed us from death. And when we thank Him, or express our gratitude to Him, He must be smiling with His mouth open wide wide!!

Love is very powerful, it can melt a person's heart. Heidi Baker asked, if we Christians are a big family, how do we let other people feel when they come into this family? Do they feel our love and Jesus' love through us? Are we willing to accept everyone into this family? And be proud of every family member for who they are? We can never know when our simple expression of love can melt a person's heart and change the person forever...So, choose to express our love, whether in action or in word, to our loved ones!

Time to balik kampung and receive mummy's and daddy's blessings of good food! Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

He cares even for the sink tap!

Last night after I came back from cg, I heard Natalie calling me to the toilet. Then she said the tap got problem, the water could not flow out. Our tap always has problem, and we need to have special technique to turn it on. So i tried to turn on the tap. In my heart, I prayed to God to help me. But after many attempts, it still couldn't work. After that, i remembered Ps Keith Moore's teachings on thanksgiving victory. He said, whenever a problem or need arises, we give thanks to God for his grace that always causes us to triumph over the problem! So i gave thanks to God, thanked Him for the tap, that it IS already working, and water is flowing out. However, as i tried to turn on the tap again, it still couldn't work. Then i decided to washed my teeth at the toilet bowl, since the tap was not working. (^^ I was lazy to go outside to wash my teeth)

As i was washing my teeth, i totally forgot about the tap thing. Then as usual, i went to the sink to turn on the tap to wash my hand. Without a second thought, i did it as if it was functioning. And to my surprise, water started to flow out! At that moment, I was sooo happy and kept on thanking God! God is so good, He cares for every little thing in my life. The Shepherd of princess Shuang. (I was imagining i was a sheep and couldn't get water to drink, then the shepherd appeared and hit on the rock! ~splash~ water flowing out hehehe, i know i imagine too much)

Turning from a little girl to becoming a princess

It's 2010! Life has been great and will be greater in the year ahead! I have been learning and discovering a lot about myself, life, human being and many many stuffs after I became a Christian. But now, i prefer to say I finally know my Papa God, and I am His precious daugther. Last year was a turning point in my life. The things that once held me bondage, my past and all the bad stuffs, I finally dared to surrender all to the altar. To let God heal and to embrace all that He has for me.

We Christians know the fact very well that God so loves the world, He sent His only Son to die for us. I know God loves me. But do I really know how God sees me? Of all the things that had happended in the past, I didn't really appreciate life, didn't think myself of great value, nor having any great purposes in this life. I was sort of became invinsible in this world and prefer to stay in my comfort zone. After I met God, and decided to hand in everything into His hands, and to just sit down there like a little girl with his daddy, having all assurance that everything is well taken care of...That's the point things started to change!

I've learnt to come out of the comfort zone bit by bit through holding Daddy'd hand, to just close my eyes if the road ahead was "difficult" for me, cause Daddy will lead the way. I've learnt bit by bit that I am very important to Him. I am not a nobody, or a person without purpose in this life. I've learnt that He is dancing over me! Simply for who I am, not what I've achieved! I've learnt about His unconditional love, in which no one on this earth can give. I've not only learnt but come to experience that He sees me as a princess, with much authority, love and hope. At this point, I started to believe that I am a princess, precious in His eyes, with no one to substitute and all in all, I am destined to reign in life!

Throughout the journey, there have been surprises and more surprises. It's never boring or dull to walk this journey called LIFE with God guiding me. I've got my spiritual mummy+daddy+baby-to-come, spiritual brothers and sisters, family, colleagues and friends to bring laughters together, to support each other and sometimes to talk and act 38-ly. ^^ Life is beautiful! So....here, a princess I see myself....and one day, together with the prince, will love God more, enjoy life more, minister more, eat more, talk more, laugh more, and much much MORE!! Thank you Papa God, shuang loves you and forever wanna be Your precious princess!